Saturday, November 29, 2008

Cup of love

Sometimes the thing that makes you feel better is simply sitting, enjoying the beautiful weather and sipping the best coffee ever.
At a local cafe, Lux, coffee is an art. Plus, they gave me some apple pie to taste and tell them what I thought of it. Well, simply put..."yummy."

So. Lately I've been in a funk. It's not something that goes away. It comes and goes. It usually goes. Have you ever felt that you were the only one in the world that thinks like you? Have you ever looked around and wondered where on earth is everyone?

I've made some choices in my life that have drastically changed the course of my life. I don't regret these choices, I celebrate them, mostly. But sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I didn't do that? Where would I be? How would my life have turned out? Would I have a family by now? Would I be here in Arizona? Would I be a mother, wife, friend? To whom? Would I be closer to my father? Mother? Sisters? Would they love me more? Would I be loved?

Someone asked me once if I feel complete. I answered then as I do now...YES. My life is rich, full, complete. But different than that of most of the people I see around me. Different than my sisters. Different than the strangers around me at this coffee shop. Different than most people I know. Different from the lovers past and present. I just feel different. I don't recognize the shoes I wear. They're mine, and I'm walking in them. But I don't know where they're taking me. My path is a strange one...

I go through the motions of my life, living it the best way I know how. And I'm wondering when I need to take the next step. When is the time that I move on? Where is the sign that my life will change again? I wait and I hope. In the meantime, I sit back and enjoy the sunshine, the coffee and pie. I sit and take in everything that is good around me.

As I was riding to the cafe this morning, I was listening to one of my favorite singers/songwriters, Michael Franti. I love his lyrics and sometimes they even hit home...

So I let go of a broken heart
I let go to an open heart
I let go of my broken dreams
I let go to the mystery
And I believe in the miracles
I believe in the spiritual
I believe in the one above
I believe in the one I love

And take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you
Even when I've fallen down
My heart says follow through
I take one step closer to you

I keep on walking to you, I'm walking
I keep on walking to you, I'm walking
I keep on walking to you, I'm walking
And I'm never going to stop

Even when I've fallen down
My heart says follow through
I'll take one step closer
I'll take two steps closer...

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