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Showing posts from January, 2009

Heavy

That time I thought I could not go any closer to grief without dying I went closer, and I did not die. Surely God has His/Her hand in this, as well as friends. Still, I was bent, and my laughter, as the poet said, was nowhere to be found. Then said my friend Daniel (brave even among lions), "it's not the weight you carry but how you carry it - books, bricks, grief - it's all in the way you embrace it, balance it, carry it when you cannot, and would not, put it down." So I went practicing. Have you noticed? Have you heard the laughter that comes, now and again, out of my startled mouth? How I linger to admire, admire, admire the things of this world that are kind, and maybe also troubled - roses in the wind, the sea geese on the steep waves, a love to which there is no reply? poem by Mary Oliver

My mother's hands

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Sometimes I think I have my mother's hands. While hers are remarkably soft and white, mine are calloused, tan and rough. But we both share the wrinkles that come from age, in addition to burns, cuts, scrapes and bruises, from cooking, cleaning (and in my case gardening...my mother hates to garden). But more often now I think I'm not a whole lot like my mother. I'm not a mother nor a wife. I've never had to sacrifice the things she has for her husband and children. I've never been forced to choose between those two and live with that decision for quite some time. I wish I was more like her. I wish I shared her grace, poise, patience, and hope. These days, I work to make my mother proud of me, if only she could see herself in me just a little bit. I wondered what she thinks when people ask about her daughters. What does she say about me? Does she say "I have 2 lovely daughters, both are married to handsome men and have beautiful, amazingly gifted chi

10 Steps to Achieving Forgiveness

Step 1: document what you believe has happened and what you need to forgive Step 2: Acknowledge the way the incident made you feel Step 3: Recognize who is being hurt by your unforgiveness Step 4: Acknowledge the part, if any, you played in the incident Step 5: Acknowledge both positive and negative parts of the relationship Step 6: Write a letter to the person who has wronged you. THIS LETTER IS NOT GIVEN TO THE PERPETRATOR (okay, that's the "official" thing to say, but if it's not incredible hurtful, mail it) Step 7: Crate a ceremony to rid yourself of the letter, symbolizing the end of your hurt (like hitting 'send' on an e-mail, or putting a stamp on the envelope...that should do it) Step 8: Understand that forgiveness is a process and some of the feelings may manifest themselves again. This is not unusual, but creating a method of reducing your anger is helpful ( and drinking should not be one of your healthy methods, as much as you like your red wine

On forgiveness

First of all, I'm the first to say that I make a very bad therapist. I'm a pretty good social worker, but as far as therapy goes...I stink. Here are some reasons: Some would say it's good to write a letter to someone you hate and tell them all that's on your mind/in your heart; but don't mail it! But I say, mail it! What's the point in writing it if you don't get the satisfaction of knowing they've read it and know exactly how you feel? Now, I know that it won't mean much and not to expect anything from them, but it does feel good knowing they've heard your feelings. Some say it's not healthy to check the voice mail messages of your ex's, follow them, sneak up on them, or check their computer history. I say, how else would you know what they've been up to? I mean, really. You can't trust people these days, especially an ex or a "soon to be" ex. It helps to be aware of their habits because when there's a brea