Sunday, June 6, 2010

Engagement

Saturday, April 24th...the first time Mr. C asked me to marry him.
Wednesday, April 28th...the second time Mr. C asked me to marry him and I said yes because I realized he wasn't joking.

I've always wanted to get married.  I had a few "close calls" which, thankfully turned out to be duds.  I also had this vision of how it is supposed to happen.  What it should be like.  (I have a lot more shoulds than I'd like to admit).  Since I was a little girl, I had this idea of how the whole thing was to go down.  I worked at my aunt's bridal store and saw countless brides walking in with stories of how their wedding will look.  The bridal magazines were my Cosmo's and Elle's in high school.  Reading through the articles, looking at the glossy pictures of brides and weddings...set me up for this, this, illusion really.  So, the engagement is no different.

There are many opinions and ideas out there about engagements (some of which are pretty ridiculous).  One is the proposal.  The guy (yes, always the guy) has to get down on one knee.  He has to find a perfect place to do it (in public, over a romantic river/mountaintop/etc).  And he has to have the ring...a big, diamond-shining ring.  Then, he has to pop the question...this huge, loaded question that will change the course of our lives forever.  And I need to give him an answer, right then and there...with LOTS of drama, tears, hugs, kisses.  Then, we go and call our parents and family to share the good news.  Well, Mr. C did get down on one knee...the first time.  I thought he was joking!   Isn't that crazy?  That one of the most important conversations you're going to have with your partner needs to have a simple, immediate answer.

The other opinion is about the timing.  Mr. C and I have been dating for 10 months... I call it the pre-engaged time.  This is the time when the woman is waiting on him, and has "no control over the timing."  I've always known that I wanted to be married, but going through some tough times and almost's I wasn't so sure I could go through the anticipation of waiting for this to maybe happen.   When I met Mr. C I had created a life for myself...happily single.

Mr. C and I had been talking about marriage after dating 6 months or so.  We just needed to be emotionally ready.  And that takes a long time.  Every time he would bring up the subject of marriage, I would shut him down, saying he's not supposed to talk about it, or saying that he was going to jinx it!!! Can you believe it?  

Jinx it??  I'm so weird. 

But we both knew that we loved each other very much and we could see each other spending our lives together.  I was more comfortable having conversations about having children than getting married. He was ready to get married before I was.  For me, I needed to let go of certain fears and expectations and just be ready


So I feel a little guilty about how I handled it.  Even after talking about it for the past few months, I couldn't quite believe that it would actually happen to me/to us.  So, instead of answering him directly, I thought he was joking.

The second time happened just a few days later.  Lucky for me, Mr. C is a brave man.  Not everyone would ask again after the earlier response.  He looked me in the eyes, said he wasn't joking, and he wanted me to be his wife.  It felt right and I was ready, emotionally.   It was perfect.  And it wasn't like it's written in the books and magazines.  It was real.  Doing it any other way would have felt fake to me.  I didn't run off right away and tell my mom and sisters.  We enjoyed the moment, the joy and excitement for about a week before telling most of my family.  

There is no right way to do this, there is only illusions of what is supposed to happen.  What is real is the love and caring that people have for each other.  That is what lasts and what matters.