Saturday, March 19, 2011

My Wedding Day...

I suppose most brides would say their wedding day was the most amazing day of their lives.  But, for me, I mean it.  This day came not without stress, anxiety, tears and disappointment; but despite all of it, it was the most remarkable gathering of people in one place.  It couldn't have been more perfect.  I couldn't have imagined it would turn out better than I thought.  I should start from the beginning.  Well, the beginning of the week, at least.

It started with a phone call from my grandmother saying she couldn't come to my wedding, despite the fact that she was visiting from Chicago.  It appears that my father has more influence and can invoke more fear in people than I thought.   My mom also confirmed that she, too, could not make it.  My aunt from Chicago had also planned to visit, along with her 3 children, but soon discovered what it means to be on my father's bad side.  Turns out, he found out she was coming and threatened her (and anyone else even thinking to celebrate with us) with a family disowning of sorts.  So she called and canceled her trip.  I cannot wrap my mind around the psychology of my father.  He and I don't get along, and it would be fine if he and I were the only ones involved in this dynamic.  But he has included our immediate family, as well as distant relatives, putting them in awkward positions of choosing a relationship with my mother or me.  

I spent a night or two crying and feeling like it might not have been a bad idea to elope after all.  I wasn't sure how I would handle not seeing my mother, grandmother and aunt on my wedding day.  Then the week progressed.  We were pretty much finished with all the preparations when friends from Ann Arbor, Portland and Denver, cousins from Chicago,  and Mr. C's son all started showing up.  I can't help but feel overwhelmed at the amount of love that surrounds us.  Our friends are amazing!  We spent the latter half of the week enjoying their company and visiting with them.  On Friday, my good friend organized a rehearsal dinner for out of town folks and family.  Few family came, but I hardly noticed as I was surrounded by so many friends that were happy for us.

Rehearsal dinner, hosted by good friends

The night before the wedding, at the dinner, my sister drops a bomb by telling me that they aren't going to bring the kids...none of them will be there.  My nieces and nephews will be absent.  It really couldn't get any worse, could it?  The punishment that a father imposes spreads like wildfire among my family.  It has taken hold of the little kids who know nothing of our past, yet are limited and controlled by something they don't understand.

I couldn't imagine how this day was going to unfold.  I try to live in the moment, be completely present to my surroundings, to stay as positive as possible.  I seriously had my doubts that I could do it.

Then Saturday came and I felt myself giddy with excitement and anticipation.  We had a relaxing morning (yes!) and I got my hair and face done, before meeting Mr. C and his son in Carefree to get ready.

There was no question of who was going to walk me down the one else has stood by me more than the man I was about to marry.  He and I walked arm-in-arm down the walkway and was greeted by about 100 of my closest friends.  At that moment, I was overcome by joy and gratefulness of all that I have, of all whom I am thankful for, and for the blessings that have come into my life.  At that moment, our friend John was singing Van Morrison's "Someone Like You" and I found myself totally in the moment.  I could feel the tears welling up and I felt like I was about to bawl my eyes out and yell "oh my God, I can't believe you're all here for us!"  As my friend Adrian said, I was about to do the "ugly cry."  Thankfully, I sort of composed myself and walked  gracefully down the steps to a welcoming, loving spirit of people.  Not once during the ceremony did I think of my mother, my grandmother, aunt, nieces and nephews that could not be there.  I felt surrounded by them.  By their energy and love.  So my father doesn't win, he cannot control or affect me anymore.  Love is stronger than hate and resentment, and there was no room for that today anyway.

guests gathering before the ceremony

my bouquet!
flowers grown with love by friend in Tucson

getting the reception ready


Rachel said...

Congratulations Laura! I am so glad that even in the face of negative behaviors, your wedding day turned out to be such a positive celebration, filled with love and friends. You deserve nothing less, and though I haven't met your husband, I have to assume that if you've chosen him to be your partner, he deserves nothing less, as well.

All my best,


Anonymous said...

Absolutely beautiful wedding. The weather was perfect. You two are obviously loved by many. Including me. I was very honored to be there. Love overflowed. And you both looked not only stunning, but very happy. Very best wishes,

Beth said...

Hey nice photos! I am so glad you liked the one I took of you two as you walked down the isle. It was a wonderful day. I loved being there with you!

Love, Beth

luke and pamela said...

i was hoping you'd post photos! so, so beautiful. i'm glad you found acceptance and love and peace in the way things were. i had some similar situations prior to and during our wedding, and i sort of pretended they weren't there. i wish i'd done it more like you. congratulations!