Desert Laura

Dear Nico, tomorrow you'll be 30 weeks old.  Please hang in there for 4 more weeks.  Just relax, grow, get strong and before you know it, you'll be in our arms and safe.  You are loved and perfect.  You are our miracle and I am thankful every day for the blessing you bring to my life.  These days have not been easy for us, I know you can feel my sadness, anxiety and fear.  But mostly my fear.  I hope that you can also feel my joy, excitement and wonder that you are in my life.  You're not even born yet, and you've already made me happier than I have ever been.   I am filled with thanks that we have you - even if only for a short time.  I still wake up, look at my belly, and am filled with wonder that our love has created you.  With God's grace we will get through this difficult time.  Just know that you are loved and we pray every day that miracles will happen and we will get to love and hold you close. Love, Your mam...

So much has gone on in the last few weeks, I don't know where to begin. The last thing I thought I'd have was a "high risk" pregnancy.  Everything started out fine, more or less.  I didn't have morning sickness or trouble eating, and everything was going smoothly.  I did bleed a bit in the first trimester, but that ended as my second trimester started.  Mr. C and I have been preparing ourselves for a natural birth at the birth center by watching videos, meeting with our midwife and doctor and exercising with prenatal yoga and walking to prepare for the birth.  The second trimester was going great...lots of energy, belly growing, and just feeling really, really good. So, when I began to notice that I wasn't feeling baby move much anymore I was a little worried but thought I was overreacting, or being irrational.  But, after 2 days of little movement, I couldn't shake that something might not be right.  Finally, I decided to call my midwife who met ...

I am a list-maker.  I make lists, add things to them, then, one by one, cross things off my list.  For some people, my lists are a bit much.  But I find that it motivates me to get things done.  Otherwise, I'll just keep thinking of all the things I want to do, but never get them done.   These lists are ways for me to overcome my Gemini-ness...  we start things that we never finish.  We have millions of things going on at once.  Lots of balls in the air. So, now that I have the next 6 weeks off, here's my summer list: Re-plumb the house! New roof Remove old wall heater...make wall shelf in its place Paint kitchen Remove carpet in baby room New carpet?  Hardwood floors? Paint baby room Make baby stuff -      * baby hats      * cute little bunny      * baby mobile Read non-baby related books (fiction!) Take a few trips out of state Weekend camping trips with hubby and pup We...

" That which is to provide light must endure burning ." - Victor Frankl  Me and my co-workers went to a Compassion Fatigue workshop this week - the new word for burnout .  I went because I thought it could be useful information to pass on to new No More Deaths volunteers or old ones, the ex-pats , as I call them.  The group of volunteers who committed many years and time and energy to the work only to leave it after putting everything they had into it.  But during the workshop I realized that the signs of compassion fatigue they talked about were very familiar to me and what I experienced.  So, the workshop was pretty kooky at times, and I didn't walk away with many answers or insights.  At one point, we did an exercise where we had to sit on our hands and relax our sphincter muscles...oh god, what did I get myself into?  Apparently, sphincter relaxation helps our body during times of stress and is a suggested practice when we're having a tough day....

I do not fit into my jeans anymore...at all.  I totally love being pregnant and am constantly amazed at the way my body is growing and changing and shifting things around to fit a little bump in there.  But , I struggle with figuring out what to wear, how to continue to wear what I currently have without spending tons of money on maternity clothes. I came across a blog that gave me a great suggestion for what to do with your jeans.  This is perfect!  At first, I could zip it up but just needed help with the buttoning.  But   now , the zipper stays down.  Thank god for my hair ties! And I refuse to buy a belly band!  I know, I may end up getting one, but I really, really really don't want one.  Anyone else think they look medieval? I still find myself looking in the mirror in amazement that this is my body.  Being in touch and tune with the growing, stretching, changing body is remarkable.  I am so thankful that I can experien...

Our little bump is a baby boy!  :)

Today I'm 18 weeks pregnant.  Well past my first trimester, so I feel that I can now write a bit about everything that went on during that time.  Maybe I'll start when I first found out we were pregnant.  My day at work started out pretty typical, when I suddenly felt faint as I was trying to stand up.  I seriously almost passed out!  I went to visit the school nurse who took my blood pressure and told me I was fine.  Clue number one. The day of my period, it didn't come...at all.  But I had all the pre-period signs:  bloated belly, sore breasts, moodiness.  Clue number two. I went on-line and looked up "early signs of pregnancy"  and it read "bloated belly, sore breasts, moodiness."  Clue number three. Those first 10 weeks were really difficult both emotionally and physically.  I was so incredibly tired all the time, ate non-stop, and had pretty severe cramping for weeks.  I was lucky enough to miss the whole "m...